Fears and Nervous

This morning was a typical Monday in the house. I stumbled in to the kitchen, turned on the coffee pot, only no coffee is brewing..."What the heck" I thought. I put fresh coffee in last night...only my dumb butt forgot to add the all important water...yea that would make a difference..

ND was up, he always is. NW was still snoozing. I had to shake him.

Sausage biscuits and chocolate milk was the breakfast menu, both boys almost swallowed them whole. ND is concerned with his class Christmas party on Wednesday. We have to make a batch of cookies for him to take in.
NW is having his tomorrow, a hot dog party. The classroom "mom" thought that up... I must shop today for small teachers gifts.  And of course the countdown to Christmas has started...They know that this time next week is Christmas Eve, and mom makes her traditional Italian dinner. A childhood custom I like to try to carry on.

I won't lie..I soaked in all the conversation, trying to memorize the moment. That pivotal "What If" question has been in my mind since Friday. I have sat with them, snuggled with them, watched them sleep, and said over and over how much I love them. I always want them to know that..

Senior and I have tried to keep all the news coverage at a minimal, they know there was shooting, and kids their same age died. They said how sad the parents might be, that its Christmas time..ND said it best though:  " I  know! They will be having Christmas with Jesus"  

This mornings car line was a bit backed up. Again I kiss their little cheeks repeatedly, squeezed extra hugs...Said one more "have a good day, and I LOVE YOU". Then they were out of the car headed to class. It was the rare occasion that traffic was still backed up..I was able to watch the boys walk off. Then as if he knew, ND turned before walking through the gate, and gave me a last smile. He never does that .Again, I try to memorize that moment..he little face so round and sweet.
 "God " I said..."please protect my boys and all the school children today"

From the traffic I am seeing on my facebook, lots of my other friends are dealing with the same fears this morning... All of us moms are trying to comfort one another. I know to trust in God, they are in his hands, and he will  keep all our babies safe.  But still, its all there in my mind, and I watch the clock. The three days until Christmas vacation  will be long, I just know it.

-JUGM